Getting to the Heart of The Matter

Real heartbreak can be an incredible phenomenon in terms of what it can do to our minds and bodies. It can have resulted from trauma, betrayal, loss… Symptoms manifest both physically and emotionally. The effects at times, crippling, and depleting.  And when that is the case, there becomes a fight just to regain a sense of self and purpose, to gasp for air feeling you’re drowning. Especially, when the individual or individuals having dealt the damaging blows are those you trusted the most.

You see, TRUST is so vital in maintaining any healthy dynamic, yet it’s a slippery slope when processing what many of us risk in allowing ourselves to be vulnerable enough to truly trust. We’ve all suffered some great disappointment, some form of loss. And for some of us, that suffering is traumatic enough to leave us in a state of fear and anxiety. What’s interesting enough is that often, those who hurt you, are in a state of severe pain and hurt themselves? We’ve all heard the saying that “hurt people hurt others”. What’s even more remarkable is that the one causing the hurt often focuses on the flaws of the ones that they are hurting as means of justification and avoidance of accountability. Incredible how we can tear down others when we ourselves dance with demons daily.

Some of us, allow/allowed certain behaviors due to our own lack of self-worth. We seek acceptance, having experienced abandonment, fearing further rejection. Many of us were raised in households rooted in faith which often becomes a reason we don’t adequately deal with issues. Some subjects are just too taboo to discuss, while judging eyes and whispers have us retreating to corners, coiling into fetal positions, and digressing into a childlike state. So, we hide, while privately seeking God in prayer. However, it’s not until a light can be shined into the dark corners we keep hidden, that we can begin to address the issues keeping us handicapped so to heal.

And so, it is my purpose with this blog, to expose myself, in hopes that it becomes part of a transformative process for us all. You see, I understand the power of the journey, even with it being plagued with hills and valleys that leave us battered and bruised. I have been on the receiving end of abuse, molestation, assault, and domestic violence. I’ve been abandoned, lied on, betrayed, let down. I’ve acted out myself, unable to deal with the pain, not allowing myself to trust, lying and pushing others away. If we cannot be true to ourselves and reconcile our own truths and inadequacies, we cannot begin the walk into the healing and wholeness that God desires for us all.

This is why I present an open personal journal to you. And let me be frank, it may offend, it may be hard, but it is what is true. And it is designed to allow for an open dialogue and safe place for us women to share and gleam from one another as a means of support so to propel us out of our places of bondage.